Conversation.

“No, you’re pressing all the wrong keys. See? If you put your fingers here and then here, it sounds better. It sounds like you have worked out a harmony.”

“I’m not trying to work out a harmony. I’m trying to tell a story in the notes, the way they fight with eachother, the way they’re entangled yet separate. It isn’t a perfect tune because it isn’t a perfect story, because the world is wrong, like the notes are wrong.”

“It isn’t your job to reflect the world. It is your job to reflect the world as it should be.”

“How can I do that? I don’t know how a perfect world would work. I haven’t any experience with things that go right. I am writing what I know.”

“Come now, you know better than all that what a perfect world would look like. Just imagine crying no tears and experiencing no pain.”

“I can’t do it: all I can do is remember the pain that has gone before. I can’t imagine the perfect world. That’s why I want to end up in one.”

“Doubtless you think so, but in you is the seed of knowledge, something that tells you what a perfect world should be like, and what an imperfect world should be. How else would you recognise pain?”

“I recognise pain because I know its absence. Maybe the absence is a reflection. I don’t know. But even if it were, it’s a piss-poor reflection. It still doesn’t help me dwell on perfection.”

“So you intend to spend the rest of your life developing cacophony? Who would want to listen to that?”

“Anyone who wants music that doesn’t only soothe. Anyone who wants to remember pain. Anyone who doesn’t seek relief in fantasy.”

“Music is a relief for so many because it takes away worry. Why inject more into the world?”

“Because these keys are the stuff of the world, but they’re not honest. They’re patterned, they’re arranged. I must deconstruct them in my music. Then they will be honest.”

“But humans structure things every day, like when you see something, it is your brain giving that something structure, taking the light and organising it. It’s what gives the world meaning.”

“The eyes aren’t honest. I can fool your eyes. But I will not fool your ears.”